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Opinion: History will now officially remember world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater as the seventh or maybe eighth best athlete of his generation!

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History is calling, Tomas Hermes. Will you answer?

On January 20, 2021, United States President Joseph R. Biden, by the authority vested in him as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, hereby executive ordered to prevent and combat discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation and beautiful.

A gorgeous utopia floating just over the horizon.

We surfers, we wave sliders, know that our governing body, the World Surf League, is one of the wokest in all professional sports and there is a fabulous opportunity for one brave male Qualifying Series middle-dweller to rise up, self-identify as female and qualify for the women’s Championship Tour likely winning the title and becoming a feel-good story along the way.

Six-part documentary series co-starring CEO Erik Logan certainly to follow.

Who should this courageous boy be?

Well, I think Tomas Hermes.

The Brazilian, 30, currently ranked 218 in the world, could firstly become sponsored by Hermès and bring his wax, extra leashes, etc. to the beach in a work-of-art Birkin.

He could then smash all-comers, using experience, a tireless approach to li’l whacks off the lip and extra-helpings of testosterone to vault himself to a historical crown.

Loud cheers, etc.

A wonderful opportunity, don’t you think?

Enlightened?

David Lee Scales and I discussed today alongside my wife Circe Wallace who happens to be a famous agent. She mostly glared as I presented this particular brilliance, but otherwise provided insight and perspective gleaned from over 30 years in the action sporting game.

She will be sharing this knowledge with you as part of a new series (sign up here). In the meantime enjoy the rest of the conversation now or later.


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